In other houses, when things got to be too much, and as a mother of 5 kids, with a panic disorder, that could be quite often, I would go in the closet just to cry. No matter how small the closet was, I would go in there so I could cry, truly ball my eyes out, and then come out all composed and the kids would never know. The kids are all grown now, and they are not disturbed to see me cry now anyway.
But this closet has become my prayer closet. I have part of a shelf dedicated to my devotional book, my Bible and an older pair of glasses that still work, so I can leave them there. My husband now knows that if I am in the closet, there is nothing to worry about, and to just let me be quietly alone in there. He does not knock.
I had heard others talk of a prayer closet, and I fully understood the need to for a place to “hide”, but I did not know how much change this little 100 square feet would make in my life. How important it is to stop and be completely alone with God in a place where no one will disturb you, and you are not waiting to be disturbed (I know you parents know what I am talking about).
I have been going in daily now. I start with a devotional reading from a book my friend Cheryl recommended and I had my husband buy me for Christmas this year (which I think will become a new tradition, a new yearly devotional under the tree for me). I read the devotional, and look up each Bible verse at the end on my phone, only because the phone apps are so much quicker. I think on what I read for a few minutes. Then I pick up my Bible and continue reading from where I left off. I am working on rereading Psalms and Proverbs. I think I will read them a few times through this time, just because someone recommended choosing a book of the Bible and reading it over and over until some of it stuck. Seemed like a good idea. My friends Cheryl and Kim had also recommended reading Psalms when I was in a deep depression, so pick a book….I pick Psalms, and Proverbs.
Then I curl down on my knees, putting my head on the floor and pray for a while. Some about what I read, some about what others need, some about what I need, but I just pray. And in that quiet little closet I can stay focused. Focused on God and my prayer and staying in His Light and Love during that time. When I am done praying, I just spend time in that same Light and Love, I just soak it in, like the sun shining down on me after days of dreary weather.
This is all a rather new practice for me, relatively. But it has changed so much in just the time I have started. I have seen things so much more clearly after two years of being lost…..lost so far down a deep hole, I though I would never see light again. My outlook has changed, my self-talk has changed, rumination have stopped, and our actual circumstances in life have been getting so much better. God is amazing. And He just wants to spend time with his children. As I parent, I think…..”Imagine that, wanting to spend time with your children”, which of course I do.
There is no thunder, or storm in my closet. The storm cannot penetrate my closet. The thunder can roll outside but in my closet, it is silent, and the sun is shining.
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